Yesterday i played a game of risk with some friends, joseph and iggy. and while risk is one of my favorite games of all time to play, i realized that it truly brought out the worst in people.
iggy, for instance, does not like the idea of losing at all. and whether or not the poor dear will ever realize this, he'll do anything, even manipulation, to win a game. so as it was becoming more obvious that him and me had the most power, he used his "boyfriend charm" to try to get joseph to attack me. and the more joseph succumbed to his wishes, the happier iggy got and the more giddy and supportive he became of joseph. and at the end of the game, when i won, he was very mad at joseph for not attacking me sooner. what an unfair strategy!
joseph was discouraged about attacking people in general. so the more powerful iggy and i became, the more joseph gave up. it got to the point where he just got bored with the game and gave up, because he didn't want to start conflict.
and i, the more powerful i became, the happier (internally) i was. and as soon as iggy openly pushed joseph to attack me, the more pissed off and personal i became of it.
it's interesting to take this game of risk and the people's flaws and put it into real life. these are all big weaknesses of all of us.
i feel like a lot of problems i have with people (not just cornering these two) can easily be found when i play games with them. everything iggy did in risk and everything joseph did in risk were things that i'm used to them doing in everyday life. this simple game of risk allowed me to see that these are the things that bothered me most about them.
on another note, i hung out with bryan today. we decided to go to hemingway's then study for psych in my room. the more and more i talked to bryan, the more i realized that we were like the same person. it's so hard for me to find someone that is so deep inside, yet can't find the words to what they think or soo self depricating, yet cannot understand as to why anyone else is. i found he was a very emotional guy who just wanted to fix things and talk about his feelings. and it was so refreshing. i'm used to people who trap their feelings inside. i'm used to people that are full of themselves. i'm used to articulate, outwardly intellectual people that know what they're going to say. i think we're going to click very well.
and obviously i completely opened myself up to him. i feel like i have a problem completely keeping my heart on my sleeve. and i pour out every detail it's probably not something safe, trusting people as i do.
unfortunately, i am stuck here until sunday. it's friday night, and i'm sitting in my dorm, with no one around me. i'm bored as fuck. come save me, someone?
Friday, December 14, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tries to tell you life has just begun, But you know that she's getting something other than the love from her mother!
4 things:
1. Today, I bought gifts for the little girl I sponsored at work.
I bought her two books, a winter hat, barrettes and such, and gave her my copy of thumbelina.
although she's a poor child and would appreciate anything, i still feel as if i did not give enough. she wanted dolls, dress up clothes, books, and dora. and i gave her books (one of them was about dora!). and i only spent $28. as a college student, that seems efficient, but i still feel a little greedy.
2. I AM DONE WITH MATH. or at least the final. hopefully, if all goes right, i won't ever be taking math again!!! :]]] before the final, i called dane to de-stress, yet it only stressed me out more because his phone died and i didn't know what was going on! but i made it through. it took like, forever.
3. at dinner, sam, anne marie, and amanda were saying how all guy friends literally want to have sex with their girl friends. like no matter what situation. and i thought that was COMPLETE bullshit. bullshit. like, i know my guy friends at home don't want to have sex with me. i just think they're being shallow or creepy. i can't decide. but i started to think, am i surrounding myself with these people who have these kinds of thoughts? like, who wastes their time with theories such as that? and anne marie also theorized that people who sneeze loud are just asking for attention. now, what? i think that is ridiculous. SNEEZING LOUD IS FUCKING EMBARASSING! whatever.
4. golden graham cereal is fucking amazing.
that is all.
1. Today, I bought gifts for the little girl I sponsored at work.
I bought her two books, a winter hat, barrettes and such, and gave her my copy of thumbelina.
although she's a poor child and would appreciate anything, i still feel as if i did not give enough. she wanted dolls, dress up clothes, books, and dora. and i gave her books (one of them was about dora!). and i only spent $28. as a college student, that seems efficient, but i still feel a little greedy.
2. I AM DONE WITH MATH. or at least the final. hopefully, if all goes right, i won't ever be taking math again!!! :]]] before the final, i called dane to de-stress, yet it only stressed me out more because his phone died and i didn't know what was going on! but i made it through. it took like, forever.
3. at dinner, sam, anne marie, and amanda were saying how all guy friends literally want to have sex with their girl friends. like no matter what situation. and i thought that was COMPLETE bullshit. bullshit. like, i know my guy friends at home don't want to have sex with me. i just think they're being shallow or creepy. i can't decide. but i started to think, am i surrounding myself with these people who have these kinds of thoughts? like, who wastes their time with theories such as that? and anne marie also theorized that people who sneeze loud are just asking for attention. now, what? i think that is ridiculous. SNEEZING LOUD IS FUCKING EMBARASSING! whatever.
4. golden graham cereal is fucking amazing.
that is all.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Preserving your pride prompts you to hide; You'd rather feel safe than to have tried.
The first day of hell week is OFFICIALLY over. Unfortunately for me, that was just a portfolio.
I've got Shakespeare tomorrow, Math Wednesday, and Psych Saturday.
And I CANNOT WAIT TO GO HOME!
This weekend was a good time, and seemingly eventful. Friday night was spent at Ben's for his lovely dinner party. I made some friends that I should have made a long time ago--yay chloe, jess, and marie! he threw a lovely dinner party, and we all fortunately left with a nice buzz off of the wine.
then iggy and i headed off to jamie's (after seeing jess's awesome apartment). that was a lot of fun. and of course dan was there. and well, i don't want to get into that.
i'm sort of upset that you cannot privatize these entries!
The next night was Drew's, and well, that was fun as well. I didn't think the officers could have that much fun together, and perhaps we had too much fun. And for the safety and respect of others, I won't talk about that night either.
Right now I'm super pissed at Amanda. It bothered me that she just came in here and assumed that she could just take my fabric softener. and it's not that she borrowed it, it's that she didn't ask. i don't know, just because i owe her money i don't think it's fair that she can walk all over me.
Whatevv. I need to study for Shakespeare. IF that even happens.
Peace.
I've got Shakespeare tomorrow, Math Wednesday, and Psych Saturday.
And I CANNOT WAIT TO GO HOME!
This weekend was a good time, and seemingly eventful. Friday night was spent at Ben's for his lovely dinner party. I made some friends that I should have made a long time ago--yay chloe, jess, and marie! he threw a lovely dinner party, and we all fortunately left with a nice buzz off of the wine.
then iggy and i headed off to jamie's (after seeing jess's awesome apartment). that was a lot of fun. and of course dan was there. and well, i don't want to get into that.
i'm sort of upset that you cannot privatize these entries!
The next night was Drew's, and well, that was fun as well. I didn't think the officers could have that much fun together, and perhaps we had too much fun. And for the safety and respect of others, I won't talk about that night either.
Right now I'm super pissed at Amanda. It bothered me that she just came in here and assumed that she could just take my fabric softener. and it's not that she borrowed it, it's that she didn't ask. i don't know, just because i owe her money i don't think it's fair that she can walk all over me.
Whatevv. I need to study for Shakespeare. IF that even happens.
Peace.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene, start a brand new colony...
I'm finding online blogging to be a pain in the ass, so I've decided to give it one last try. And here you are, the final embrace of this online community, where my thoughts will be drawn out onto your silly ass version of a paper journal.
Life is a little fucked up right now, as it always has been. Through my freshman year at Pitt, I've gone through so many ups and downs that I just wanted to give up and escape. Escape from the mad world of classes, people, homework, work, drama, love, sex, clubs, everything. I felt like finally crawling up beside my mother and crying as I haven't done in so long. It was a hellish semester, yet it was well deserved for the first one. And it's almost over.
4 months of my life has been spent in this new surrounding area for myself. Pittsburgh, the dearest, most livable city, has become my new home--the homeless people on the street have become my friends; the port authority buses traveling all over the place have become my free pass out of Oakland, and the overdone, all-you-can-eat market central has become my excuse for gaining thirty pounds during the semester. I have met so many interesting people that I hope to continue to see on a day to day basis. I have also met a lot that I try to avoid as I walk down the sidewalk..but anyway, lol.
I already see several mistakes that I have made this semester. My attempt at a Communications Major had me pursue in Mass Communications, and now I already have my first withdrawal on my transcript. A hell of a night with tequila, which I doubt I'll ever wish to explain on here along with experiencing tequila ever again, led me to a missing purse with credit cards, a phone, and a camera. It is also gave me my first experience with alcohol-induced vomit. And my continuous lack of motivation has left me cringing on the thought of my report card.
Nonetheless, mistakes are mistakes. And people certainly aren't any more perfect than they were in Muncy, PA. Yet there's a certain feel to the city--a certain je ne sais quoi?--that leaves me begging to see more. I recently had really discovered my true despise for the city, the roots of my depression throughout the semester. Upon this discovery, I wished to flee, flee to the only person in the world that I wanted to flee to. If that meant transferring, I was ready to leave the city. My only comfort, my other half, my soul mate was six hours away, yet he was having the time of his life. And now I know that I cannot interrupt that. I don't want to interrupt that.
So I gave up on my idea of transferring, realizing that Pittsburgh really isn't so bad and I should be excited to leave the dorms the following term. And even though I'll be disappointing some people with this decision, I know others are here that are happy about my final decision. Yes, I've decided to give Pitt another chance. :]
Now with finals week approaching, the semester coming to a close, and people being crankier than ever, I find myself wondering what my mistakes and experiences have taught me for the upcoming semester. I'm so excited about my classes next semester, and I am now the new Political Action Chair for Rainbow Alliance, an organization I've been falling in love with over the semester. I'm super excited to push myself to the upmost potential that will help me succeed in the organization, in my classes, and in everything else around me. What the fuck, it's my freshman year. IT BETTER BE FUCKING GOOD!
love always,
Tearsa
Life is a little fucked up right now, as it always has been. Through my freshman year at Pitt, I've gone through so many ups and downs that I just wanted to give up and escape. Escape from the mad world of classes, people, homework, work, drama, love, sex, clubs, everything. I felt like finally crawling up beside my mother and crying as I haven't done in so long. It was a hellish semester, yet it was well deserved for the first one. And it's almost over.
4 months of my life has been spent in this new surrounding area for myself. Pittsburgh, the dearest, most livable city, has become my new home--the homeless people on the street have become my friends; the port authority buses traveling all over the place have become my free pass out of Oakland, and the overdone, all-you-can-eat market central has become my excuse for gaining thirty pounds during the semester. I have met so many interesting people that I hope to continue to see on a day to day basis. I have also met a lot that I try to avoid as I walk down the sidewalk..but anyway, lol.
I already see several mistakes that I have made this semester. My attempt at a Communications Major had me pursue in Mass Communications, and now I already have my first withdrawal on my transcript. A hell of a night with tequila, which I doubt I'll ever wish to explain on here along with experiencing tequila ever again, led me to a missing purse with credit cards, a phone, and a camera. It is also gave me my first experience with alcohol-induced vomit. And my continuous lack of motivation has left me cringing on the thought of my report card.
Nonetheless, mistakes are mistakes. And people certainly aren't any more perfect than they were in Muncy, PA. Yet there's a certain feel to the city--a certain je ne sais quoi?--that leaves me begging to see more. I recently had really discovered my true despise for the city, the roots of my depression throughout the semester. Upon this discovery, I wished to flee, flee to the only person in the world that I wanted to flee to. If that meant transferring, I was ready to leave the city. My only comfort, my other half, my soul mate was six hours away, yet he was having the time of his life. And now I know that I cannot interrupt that. I don't want to interrupt that.
So I gave up on my idea of transferring, realizing that Pittsburgh really isn't so bad and I should be excited to leave the dorms the following term. And even though I'll be disappointing some people with this decision, I know others are here that are happy about my final decision. Yes, I've decided to give Pitt another chance. :]
Now with finals week approaching, the semester coming to a close, and people being crankier than ever, I find myself wondering what my mistakes and experiences have taught me for the upcoming semester. I'm so excited about my classes next semester, and I am now the new Political Action Chair for Rainbow Alliance, an organization I've been falling in love with over the semester. I'm super excited to push myself to the upmost potential that will help me succeed in the organization, in my classes, and in everything else around me. What the fuck, it's my freshman year. IT BETTER BE FUCKING GOOD!
love always,
Tearsa
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